Dazed expression. Messy bed hair. Violent attacks on innocent alarm clocks.
This is the bread and butter of my mornings. However, every now and then something exciting happens at that 8am mark when I usually arise…okay, okay, I lie. Who gets up at 8am!? It’s usually 9:30am, of course. Anyhow, here’s a not-so-recent episode from that dreadful time between dreamland and the cold reality of wide-awake consciousness…
A gorgeously sunny morning, the beams of light flooded into my bedroom. A late start gave way to a glorious sleep in. I snuggled into my white sheets, under my white bedspread, head on a white pillow, nestled up to a white wall. I’m sure I was probably purring, such was the extent of my content state.
Rather than blinding me with all its dazzlingness (freshly painted walls and new bedding has made for a very white room!), the white provided a contrastingly light background to a very black, very big, very scary spider. He had done a rather good job at sneaking up on me, ever so close to my right arm.
Yes. I squealed.
Yes, after squealing, I jumped out of bed at a speed previously unheard of in my humble abode.
And yes, of course, the spider proved itself just as speedy, disappearing instantaneously.
After shaking off my pillow, pulling back the bedspread and doing a very thorough investigation of every nook and cranny, I felt assured that the spider had disappeared into the big black hole under my bed.
I was wrong.
Having returned to my cosy covers, I rolled over on my side and stretched my arms out, desperate to return to that delightful state of semi-consciousness. As my arm stretched out across great white expanse, there he was again, appearing as if out of thin air! Not wanting to let him get away again, I jumped up, pulling the sheet taut to expose my very unwelcome bed fellow.
And then the realisation hit me hard. There was no spider.
There had never been a spider.
Embarassing to admit, yes, but what I had thought was a very black, very big, very scary spider was actually a fresh coat of shiny black nailpolish on my fingernails.
Hey, at least it got me out of bed on time.